we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
