i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
