So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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