I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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