You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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