Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Everclear isn't food dammit
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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