so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
