Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
