we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
