my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
