she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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