K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
