I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
