Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
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We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
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Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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