go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
