Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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