YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
