If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
