Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
