I'm lost and stupid without you.
She announced her abortion via fbk
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
