Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
