the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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