Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
True college students do jello shots in the library
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
