o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Randomize
