So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
