and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
