so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
