whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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