Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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