I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He felt like a one man threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize