I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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