just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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