I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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