Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
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The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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