actually, I'm a sock model
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
