your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
