FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
