My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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