whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
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I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
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He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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