Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
