I will die if light touches me.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
