and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
