Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
