I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
