i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
This baby is an asshole
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
