I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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