You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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