We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
