I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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