yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
