Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
