the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
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I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
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He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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