Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
