We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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