he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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