If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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