someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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