Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Randomize
