Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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