I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
