How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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