Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
