I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I love you. Go after that dick
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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