whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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