I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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