I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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