I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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