I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
So gin and wine won't be happening again
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
