Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
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