It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
one might say we're banned from that church
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
