She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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