I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
