Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
