it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Randomize
