haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
