This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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